Nerves, tots and hot butts

I love this picture. I look so confident, talented and … Mexican. You’d never know by looking at it that the little ham in this photo never actually performed in this costume.

When I was a kid, there were times I would get so frustrated or stressed out with things I’d just cry or beg mom to let me skip school or skip the task at hand. Such is the case here. For whatever reason, I couldn’t go through with the performance. Maybe I didn’t feel prepared or maybe I was intimidated by the other little girls. Yes, it was a bit of both. Even when I was eight I took things sooooooo seriously. I loved performing but constantly worried about messing up. All these years later, I still feel this way sometimes.

Like, right now, my head hurts. It’s been a personally stressful couple of weeks and our shows are in less than two weeks. I have so much work to do. Today I did a solid hour of much-needed solo practice and it helped calm my nerves a bit. But I’ve got to do that at least five more times, not to mention get in some more sessions with the blankie of death and the hot-butt crew (more on that one later).

I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels overwhelmed; everyone has a life and a family and things that aren’t apparent that they deal with daily. I wonder how my companeras deal with it all. Do they feel the way I do? Do they ever just roll up in a ball on the couch in silence for a few hours? Do they ever just eat tater tots and cry? Did I really just write that?

Here’s what I won’t do: I will not NOT dance. No, I’m not eight anymore, so even though I’m feeling a little stressed, I won’t cry, run away and hide behind mom. I will work my hot butt off over the next 13 days and put my absolute all into these performances.

For now, please excuse me. I’ve got tots in the oven.


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