Lingering Effects of OCFD

“I admit that I often lose sleep because I’m on YouTube till 2 a.m. looking at flamenco videos for inspiration. And that I’ve permanently moved my coffee table to the corner of the room to give me more space to perform living room solea por bulerias. And that every time I go into the restroom at work, I check to make sure no one else is there and then to do some marking in front of the full-length mirror. Oh, and I can’t start my work day without singing tangos in the car every morning.” — me, June 8, 2010

Nine months later, not much has changed.

Will the effects of this flamencaffliction ever subside? Highly unlikely. I don’t think I’ll have any peace until I’m good. Trouble is, what’s good? See, the better I get, the higher I’ll set the bar — in which case I might never be good enough.

Am I right to assume this? If there are any seasoned flamenca/os (or other dancers) out there, I’d love to hear what you think. Do you obsess over the dance the way you did when you were starting out? Ten, 20 or 30+ years later, are you able to say, “I know I’m good, so it’s ok if I don’t practice for a few days.” OR, do you still go a little nuts or feel guilty when you skip a session? I’m pretty sure I already know the answer …

I practiced alone tonight and I’m tired. It’s 11:30 p.m. and I’ve got to get up early, so rather than get on YouTube, I’m going to force myself to go to bed. But my mind won’t shut off for a couple hours as, surely, visions of gitanas will dance in my head …


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