I’m not sure when birthdays became these mildly melancholic occasions that find me quietly reflecting instead of dancing my ass off at a nightclub with my best girlfriends. But, here I am.
Don’t get the wrong idea: I’m not sad or crying or anything like that. I’m not the depressed type, and if anything, I think I have a more positive outlook on life than I did in my 20s. I guess it’s maturity that comes after finally realizing that the things that bum me out sometimes really aren’t such a big deal.
Still, that doesn’t mean a girl can’t wish for more. I’d say for the last five years or so, my birthday has served as a sort of inventory day when I look back on the year and consider what I have, what I don’t, as well as what I need now and what I need no longer.
Sometimes when I’m frustrated with how I look in the mirror when I’m practicing flamenco, I’ll videotape myself for awhile. Then I will watch it over and over again and try to pinpoint the little things I’m doing wrong, and then try to correct them. It’s not easy; it takes time to make certain improvements because I’m still learning technique. But it’s still helpful to be aware of my weaknesses, know how I look to an audience, and think about what I can change to be a better dancer.
So it goes for life. What areas of my life need the most attention? What shouldn’t I worry about as much? Am I being true to myself? Am I satisfied with how I look to the world? Am I a better person than I was last year?
Yep, that’s where I am today. More cake, please.
2 thoughts on “On 38”
Hello, I am the editor of a community writing blog, with fiction and non-fiction. The blog site called MyStoryLives; with your interest in flamenco, you might want to check out today’s poem, called “Flamenco,” (link below) If you want to submit writing from your blog, you can send it to me at email@example.com. Would love to have you appear on my blog!
here is today’s link: http://www.mystorylives.blogspot.com/2012/01/flamenco-award-winning-poem-by-jan.html
Thanks for sharing the poem — lovely! I also write a little poetry, too; I’ve posted a flamenco poem on my blog. I’d be glad to contribute to your blog sometime, thanks for asking. And if you ever read something here you’d like to share with your readers, feel free. Thanks for stopping by!