Restlessness & Walter Mitty Syndrome

It’s been a month since I returned from Albuquerque and my schedule is way out of whack. I’ve danced only 1 or 2 hours a week, whereas this guitar thing has taken up most of my free time because I need so much practice to even get a feel for the thing. But my broke-down body was crying out for a break and my foot still hurts, so I guess this little hiatus was necessary. But I feel restless and my daydreams are getting the best of me.

Going to Albuquerque was both good and bad. I experienced what it’s like to study intensively, day after day, with people who are as or more focused and driven as I am with this art form. I learned that the theory and technique behind cante intrigues me and I can catch on to it faster than I thought I could, despite the language barrier. I learned I can keep up in classes I never thought I could and that I could run off to Spain to study and not feel completely terrified at what might be in store for me.

The downside of all this is that it’s all a huge distraction from my real life, where I work in an office and can only pursue my artistic goals after 6 p.m. and on weekends. I mean, I’m thankful for my job because without it there would be no dance or guitar lessons. But it’s so hard to stay focused on real life when you’re drifting in and out of fantasies in which you’re a flamenco triple threat.

Yes, I daydream. A lot. Sometimes too much. I’ve always had a wild imagination — which comes in handy sometimes, but other times it’s just annoying and distracting. And no, I’m not delusional; I don’t believe the things I imagine will be my reality. For me, these little fantasies are more motivation for self-improvement. What’s wrong with thinking/dreaming big? Plus escapism is just plain fun.

August or September (not sure) will mark four years that I’ve been studying dance. Four years! I honestly didn’t think I’d stick with it for so long. Now I can’t imagine ever quitting. Come next month, I need to do something about this physical/mental restlessness and kick it up a notch again. Get back to focusing on my first love. I’ve got daydreams to fulfill.


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