If nothing else, I WILL be beautiful

Lately, instead of blogging, I’ve devoted a ridiculous amount of time (and money) online shopping for various things. But it’s October, which means not only am I trying to get anything I might need for our December show ordered within the next couple weeks, I am also trying to pull together a kick-ass Halloween costume. Oh, how I love me some Halloween.

I’ve always loved dressing up, which is partly why I’ve always loved performing. It’s crazy fun putting on pretty and/or strange clothing and make up and pretending to be someone else. Also, I’m such a girly girl that I jump at any chance to paint my face and put on a fancy dress or something equally sparkly. I typically love dressing up like some kind of pop tartlet for Halloween. Last year it was Lady Gaga and a few years prior it was Christina Aguilera — which was pretty darn awesome considering I made the latter costume with little more than shiny ribbon and a glue gun. Anyway, this year I wasn’t sure what direction to go in, but since figuring it out last week I’ve been ordering accessories like mad…

The only thing I enjoy more than shopping for Halloween crap is shopping for flamenco crap. I’m obsessed! Because a Halloween costume is just a costume, but flamenco attire is a true representation of who I am as a person and as a dancer. Plus, I only get to perform once, maybe twice, a year, so I have to make the most of those opportunities by both practicing my butt off and putting significant thought into what I wear.

I’ve always felt that if you feel like you look good, you’ll do better at whatever it is you’re doing. At least that’s how it is for me. Feeling spiffy gives me confidence. On the other hand, if I know I look like ass, I feel insecure, like I’m not the best me I can be. And then I can’t completely focus on what I’m doing. This is why, my dear co-workers, you see me whip out my compact at my desk several times a day. A quick powder puffing and a fresh coat of lipstick calms my nerves and helps me focus. Don’t judge me.

So when I go to dance in front of an audience, I want to have all the confidence I can possibly have. Yes, most of that confidence will come from knowing that I have prepared and practiced like the crazy obsessed flamenco student that I am. And some confidence will come from knowing I’ve said about a billion prayers and God will probably help me out just so I’ll go away and quit bugging him. But a little bit will come from just knowing that I’m wearing a fancy new dress and my face is made up all purdy. What’s the harm in that? Draw strength from whatever works for you, I say.

And anyway, if I were to wipe out during my performance, at least people might say something like, “Well, she did trip and fall down, but, wow, she looked great!”

It’s nearly midnight and I should be in bed, but hey, Ebay never closes. I’ve still got some shopping to do…


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