Spend enough time in profound-palo mode and sooner or later all things deep, dark and personal start to bubble up through your pores. I saw this Thursday in siguiriya class when half way through I got totally bummed out.
Granted, I did go to class with a lot on my mind and stuff’s been brewing. But better to dance it out than blurt it out; I don’t like those feelings of emotional nakedness and humiliation. Of course, here I am writing about it now …
Within the last year or so, I’ve seen many people around me experience positive major life events: engagements, marriages, births, relocations, new careers, life-changing revelations. They’ve had their worlds shaken up and turned upside down in the scariest and most thrilling ways. Me, not so much.
For this I don’t want pity. I realize I’m blessed and I thank God every day for giving me this life. So I feel a little guilty when I get those feelings of, “This is all great but what else have got for me?”
You’d think I wouldn’t have time to think about these things when I’m busy with my 87 hobbies. Funny thing about the arts, though: They tend to stir up feelings you didn’t even know you had.
I blame solea. I blame siguiriyas. I blame those shoes and that damn guitar.
I suppose having these feelings come to the surface is good for me. Maybe getting them out into the universe will bring me an answer as to where my next adventure lies …
FYI, just before making this post public, I deleted the last three paragraphs for fear of overexposing myself. Yes, I have feelings and disappointments and hopes and dreams. I just don’t need to share them all here.