Given Up

It’s past 1 a.m. on Sunday night/Monday morning and instead of being fast asleep, I’m up working on work stuff that can probably wait until tomorrow morning. But my mind is still busy and I’ve got some energy to burn. Plus, it’s freakin’ hot in here. Stupid heatwave.

The show is less than a week away and it’s major crunch time. This weekend I made time to practice in my parents’ laundry room — which is great because no one can hear me down there. The extra practice was much needed and did me good, and I’ll certainly do more of it every day this week. But at the same time, at this point, I guess you can say I’ve given up.

But I mean that in a good way. I’ve given up obsessing or being hypercritical of myself. It serves no purpose at this point. Last week I was quite literally sick with fear that I wasn’t ready to perform. Sure, I’m always nervous before a show, but this time has been worse than ever, even worse than my first solo performance. Still not exactly sure what that’s about, though I suspect anxieties from other areas of my life are to blame.

All I can do now is center myself, keep running through my choreographies every day and take comfort in knowing that I am technically prepared. Tonight we’re running through everything at rehearsal. Later in the week we’ll do the same with the musicians, and while that can be intimidating sometimes, more often it just gets me totally pumped and awakens my inner ham.

Speaking of musicians, I had to give up a concert ticket to see one of my favorite bands tonight because of the rehearsal. Oh well. I’ve seen them before and I’ll see them again — and my brother will get to attend a concert and not have to worry about my embarrassing him. (What can I say? I’m a screamer.)

Here’s what I’ll be missing. Aggressive, perhaps, but it’s super fun to belt out in the car and it sure does get the adrenaline going. A classic. Enjoy.


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